The Ipad, Dinosaurs, and the coming of the Techpacolypse

Lets talk about technology, as we often do here at iblogwhatihear.  Usually, when people across America have questions or concerns about technology, they turn to one specific person; Me.

I’m going to make some speculations and voice some concerns, because that’s what you do when you have a forum to digitally convert your ideas into text.

Jesus, holding baby Obama
Jesus, holding baby Obama

A few months back I went to Tekserve, the greatest unofficial Apple store in the world, for a “future of music” type event, focused on the ipad.  Going into it, I was excited, but not overjoyed by the idea of a tablet based music creation device.  I left ready to throw out every other piece of technology I owned.  Yes, I have still not purchased an ipad, that’s in the works, as we will discuss in a minute.

The synth apps look badass.  Korg has their IMS20 synth with a drum machine, Moog has their Filtatron, there is even a Rebirth thing happening, all under $30.  And Garageband for $5. GARAGEBAND!  I had the chance to play with it for a second, and it was unstoppable.  This is the greatest composition sketch tool since the pen and staff paper.  Really, is that stuff gonna be around in 10 years?  Will paper at all?  Anyway, none of this is news.  But stop tweeting about Dancing With The Stars for a fucking second and think about whats happening.

This motherfucker is self contained, and nearly gets rid of the problem many old school musicians have with computer based technology.  A mouse sucks.  Do you feel at all musical when clicking a little oval shaped plastic thingy to create some sonic destruction?  No, you feel like a bitch.  In movies, when someone presses the big red button to blow up a competing nation, why do you think it’s a BIG RED BUTTON?  Cause buttons are fucking awesome, and you want to have the interaction with it.  This is not quite the Big Red Button Effect ™  but its getting there.


Why have there not been a rush of control surface apps?  There are a few out there, but they’re over $100, and not officially endorsed by the manufacturers.  Apple fucking owns logic!  Where is the controller app guys?  Come on!  That would almost be worth the price of admission alone.  Why do we have to search for some back alley drug deal of a controller do make a few devices work together?  Shit man.

This brings me to the point of securing an ipad for myself.  For a while, I was all in at the bare minimum device, $500 for 16gb.  But after some careful consideration, that’s not going to cut it.  My iPod Touch is 16gb, and I constantly have to shift things on and off to make it all fit.  And the 3g situation, is it worth it?  Who knows, I’m gonna say no for the moment, I’m around wifi and work and home, thats sufficient for now.

So, life in NY is expensive.  I know, everyone is incredibly surprised by this, and I was even invited to write a NY Times Oped about it, but it got pulled at the last minute because they suddenly realized that print was dead, started their subscription model, overpriced it, and had to go take a phone call from Rupert Murdoch.  Anyway….yeah.  So my plan is to acquire an iPad strictly by selling other musical equipment which I already own, through the mediums of Ebay and Craigslist, mostly the latter since no fees are involved.

You mah buttafly, sugah baby
You mah buttafly, sugah baby

This opens up a new set of doors, mostly leading to Crazytown, population 90% of the people who respond to postings.  People offer you 5% of your asking price.  They want you to bring a $50 effect pedal to Long Island so they can “check it out”, standard Nigerian scams, and harassment by a Christian Fundamentalist because I was selling a synth which he did not approve of.  It’s only gonna get weirder from here, dudes.