Owl (not rock) City

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Rainn Wilson just Tweeted (I hate that phrase but I’m going with it)  “Ben Gibbard Just Ran Over Owl City In His Death Cab”.  This brought up some discussion, As I had never heard Owl City before.  I was told they were attempting to sound like The Postal Service, since there are no more Postal Service albums, which I mean, whatever man, but do your own thing somehow.  A friend recently saw them open a show, and proclaimed them to be the worst live band he had ever seen.  Well, after Dwight dropped some science, I had to get involved.  So here, dear reader, is my live blog interpretation of the first few songs of Owl City that come up on google. Keep in mind, I have not heard one note of this band previously, this is all in the moment.  Hang on, here we go, I’m hitting search.

Fireflies –   Oh my god kid, are you fucking serious?  I heard this guy was a low rent Postal Service ripoff, but this is ridiculous.  Lets just get right to it.  Turn off the fucking auto tune man, come on!  Gibbard never used that stuff, that’s his thing.  If you’re going to rip someone off, at least use your own voice.  And whats with that cheap ass arpeggiator happening?  did you just put the step sequencer on auto and go cry in the shower?  And the reverse cymbal swell?  Really?  That’s all you could come up with?  These drum beats are weak as hell man, this is what Jimmy Tamborello spits out after he brushes his teeth in the morning.

Vanilla Twilight – Don’t even get me started on this name.  What am I, ordering a vampire themed frappuccino at starbucks?   You’re just doing the Ben Gibbard phrasing here man, just waaay worse. How do you sleep at night?  You better have a reverse peep hole on your door, because someone should be waiting there with a sack full of pennies in anticipation.  Again with the reverse cymbal swell before the chorus?  Arent there any other cheesy garageband sound effects you could throw in?  What about if you took a cat meowing or something?  Those LOL cats are pretty popular, why not rip them off too?  Douche.

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Hello Seattle – REALLY man?  REALLY?  You do an alternate pan arpeggio synth intro to a fucking song with Seattle in the title?  I’ll tell you what, I’m going to write a song called Paradise Community Los Angeles, where the scenery is verdant and the girls are mildly attractive, and name my band Firearms and Dasies.  Again with the auto tune, just turn it down at least if you’re not going to turn it off.

Saltwater Room –  Again with the reverse cymbal?  For Rizzle Dizzle?  You really find a formula and stick to it man.  I guess you’re kind of like AC/DC, if instead of amazing powerful grooving rock riffs, you chose some bitch ass electronic presets on whatever soft synth youre using and rely on autotune to pitch correct your irritating voice. This is just so watered down, I’m going to bring it to the desert island with me, just in case I get dehydrated.

Wow, that was tiring.  I think my heart rate is at near cardiac arrest levels.  This does bring up the issue of whether it’s ok to cop so much of another band’s style if they are no longer producing music.  My answer?  No.  Obviously no.  Unless you can do it better.  Which Owl City cannot.  I’d rather listen to Justin Beiber.  Maybe he will be the next live blog.  Watch out Bieber, I’m comin for your bowl cut.