I Took Two Pictures. This Is One.

Friday night, as part of the New York Guitar Festival, Nels Cline and Thurston Moore played as a duo at Rockwood Music Hall.  They called it “Pillow Wand”  maybe because it feels like being hit with a magical pillow.  These possibly the two most widely known Avante Garde leaning guitar players, who have crossed over into the mainstream world.  Cline as a part of Wilco, and Moore founding Sonic Youth.  Needless to say, lots of people were in that tiny room.

This was my first time at Stage Two of Rockwood Music Hall, a lovely addition.  It seems to be reserved for more well known acts, were as on Stage One, there’s always the chance that dude with a weird Jew Fro will go on right before your friend’s band and play the entire Plastic Ono Band album front to back.  Its a cozy space, the sound was great, and despite it being packed, it was not that hard to obtain a beverage.

Oh right, it was packed.  It was definitely over fire department capacity.  People would walk down the entrance stairs, see that there was nowhere to go, and literally just set up camp on the stairs.  That can’t be safe.

Now, before we get to the problem of people preserving their memories on compact flash cards, lets talk about the music.  They played a continuous set of sound….not really just noise, but not melodic compositions.  It was basically a fucking giant explosion.  Tons of effects pedals, lots of volume, several Jazzmasters.  They played like they meant it.  I would compare it to some type of experimental painting.  You see some weird shit thrown on a canvas and you think “I could totally do that.”  Well maybe in the case of some phony artist who just wants the image, you could.  But look at one of those giant Jackson Pollock canvases, and there is no way you could.  That’s what these guys were like.

Every sound seemed like they meant it.  There was no phoning it in.  It’s a wonder their guitars didn’t just fall in pieces to the floor.  They put these instruments through incredible abuse.  Cline plays the strings with a little kitchen whisk, Moore sticking a drumstick under the strings on the neck and thrashes back and forth.  They hit the tremelo so hard, it would be no surprise if the bridges just popped off. Yet somehow, they did not.  But that was the good part, lets get to the other thing.

There seems to be a rule with professional photographers.  They respect those around them.  And when they don’t, its brief.  A guy asks you if he can switch spots for a minute to get some shots, then moves along.  Its a mild inconvenience, but you live through it.  When I was about 11, we went to see Slash at the now defunct NY Club Tramps.  His manager came out beforehand and told all of the photographers, “YOU GET ONE SONG!  THEN YOU’RE OUT OF HERE!”  lo and behold, he came back out after that song, yelling “THAT’S IT!  GET ‘EM OUT!”  fucking professionals.

Somewhere between 1994 and now, things have changed.  I don’t dispute that the iPhone camera is awesome.  I love it.  I use it all the time.  It makes life better.  You can remember any moment, because you always have it with you.  And the pics look pretty good!  But think for a fucking minute.  How many pictures do you need?  Can’t you actually live in the moment and enjoy the amazing things happening in front of you?  You really need to look in a 3″ LCD monitor to experience what’s in front of you?  Fuck you.

The light from all the iPhones and cameras rivaled the stage lighting, which was minimal.  Its 2 dudes with guitars.  The lighting doesn’t change.  They aren’t even switching guitars.  How different is it going to be?  That’s not even the issue, I guess if you want to get all artistic, that’s fine.  But don’t do it in a tiny club.  The amount of dudes with fucking giant DSLR’s with huge telephoto lenses on them was just ridiculous.

We got pushed in front of several times, and the photographers just planted themselves.  Also, those cameras are kind of loud if its not a big rock and roll moment.  If the music gets quiet…..CLICK CLICK CLICK….really?  I’ve heard a bootleg of Neil Young at the Bottom Line, where he asks a photographer not to shoot during the songs, because people can hear it.  Jeff Tweedy would call out anyone with a camera and tell them to get rid of it on Wilco’s last tour.  Just last month at Carnegie Hall, Ryan Adams stopped the show and went on a hilarious rant….to paraphrase  “oh my god, you HAVE to have gotten that shot by now.  You need to keep taking them?  What is your camera from like 1975 and you need to change flashbulbs or something?  Want ME to take it for you?? Just put it away”  They have a point.

At one point, the asshole with the Hubble Telescope in front of me changed cards…because you need to fill up more than one giant flash card during a 45 minute set.  Then he was fucking reviewing and deleting photos!  Are you fucking kidding me? This place is the size of a shoebox and you’re standing in front of everyone just doing that?  And those people with the iPhones who just leave them held up the whole time!  Are your poorly lit out of focus shots going to be that great?!

OK, I need to calm down.  I’ve decided next time this happens, I’m going to get right in front of every lens I see, and just give the F.O.B Peace Sign.  Or yell “CLICK CLICK CLICK!” or just point my phone directly in front of their camera, turn the flash on, and just go for it.  We need to do something about this, kids.  Who’s with me?

Suddenly, before I knew it, I was catapulted back to my early teens, sitting in my New Jersey living room, watching the VHS (!) rental copy of Baby Snakes from Tower Records.  It was long out of print, they wouldn’t sell it, so I just kept renting it over and over.  My neighbor, who was actually in the film randomly on the stage, showed it to me, and forever changed my musical outlook.

Zappa is a musician and figure who doesn’t get much notoriety these days.  This interview reminded me of that.  On the surface to the casual listener, he made really weird, sometimes funny music.  Obviously, the first song I latched onto was called “Titties and Beer”  about a motorcycle rider fighting the devil over his girlfriend.  Yep.  But go slightly beyond the silly lyrics, and all of his music was incredibly complex.  The man was unstoppably prolific.  In his lifetime he released over 70 albums.  Composed music for orchestras, early synthesizers, rock bands, jazz groups, made films, was an early pioneer of clay-mation, and who knows what else.
Oh yeah, he also testified before congress and led the fight against censorship in music.

After bringing my first guitar teacher some Zappa recordings I wanted to learn, it soon became evident there was a lot more going on than lyrics about strange characters.  If you watch Baby Snakes, finally reissued on DVD a few years back, look at the band.  Terry Bozzio is on drums, and looks about 14.  He’s playing some ridiculous stuff, somehow not sounding as annoying as any wanking fill-fueled fusion asshole drummer that came after him.  You get the sense that he’s just trying to do what Zappa envisioned, and there’s no one else on the planet who could do that.  Adrian Belew of King Crimson is on guitar, dressed as a flight attendant for most of the evening.  Nearly everyone in the band has a modular synthesizer.  There is a full orchestral percussion setup.  The vocal arrangements could make your head explode.  And on top of that, it ends with Zappa shredding the face off of all in attendance on several guitar solos.  Who the fuck was this guy?

Luckily, he did write a book before he passed.  The Real Frank Zappa book is 100% required reading.  I haven’t thought about it in years, I’m now going to go back and re-read it.  If for nothing else, the political connotations.  I rarely if ever will get political on this here blog, but I’ve gotta throw out a few things.  Zappa makes the point in the above interview of defending freedoms.  There’s this whole Occupy Wall St movement happening, and say what you will about their methods, but their message is important.  Pretty much no people of note have stood up and outwardly supported the movement.  Sure, some musicians have played short sets, but I mean, come on.  No one comes out in the media and supports it.  We’re stuck with these shitty 24hr news as entertainment outlets. Has anyone of note written a scathing article taking down the financial criminals? Its not like there’s no outlet for it. Like it or not, celebrities have power in our lovely land, why not do something with it. Eh?

When Tipper Gore (wife of the inventor of the internet) decided to form the PMRC (parents music resource center) in order to get those “Parental Advisory” stickers on albums at the time….Zappa stood right the fuck up.  No one could quiet him down.  He led the fight, flaming sword full of unplayable arrangements waving.

Would Bieber do this?  Would ANYONE? Radiohead couldn’t articulate it this clearly.  But Zappa marched right up to the hill and spoke in his own words.  He read the first amendment out loud to the committee trying to censor him, then he said “That’s for reference!” Just watch the video.  How did his balls fit through the door!

I just wish we could see what Zappa would be doing today.  Sure, people say that about any musician long gone…Hendrix, Joplin, Cobain, whatever, but all of them would have likely fallen from greatness, sold out, made much worse music, and tarnished their reputations to some degree.  What would Zappa have done with the internet?  Pro Tools?  Youtube?  His output would have made Ryan Adams look like Axl Rose.  Can you imagine Zappa’s blog?  Would you see his music in a Wall Mart commercial?

These are just some things to think about.  Go back and listen to “We’re Only In It For The Money”  then listen to “Sheik Yerbouti”  then watch these videos once more. What we’re really missing is someone who just does not give a shit about what anyone else thinks, answers to no one but themselves, and says whatever they believe it. It’s surprising, because we basically all have our own broadcast networks, the major labels are dead, MTV and Radio are irrelevant, and you can sell your own products without distribution.

Anyhoo, that enough ranting for now. Happy Chanukah!

I’ve resisted the smart phone for a long time.  Perhaps too long.  Yes, I still know how to get places based on memory, or direction based intuition, but how am I going to upload pics to facebook while on the go?  How will I check in at Stumptown enough times to become THE SUPREME MAYOR OF ALL TIME?  Eh??  There are many legit concerns, which you can locate elsewhere on the Internet, we all know smart phones are nearly essential to life.

But the question is, do we wait it out?  When is the time to pull the trigger?  Gadgets just freak me out, man!  Lets relate this to something related to my usual repertoire.  Recording equipment.

A few years back, I made a well documented move away from the mothership of Pro Tools, over to the confusing free-for-all software based clusterfuck that is Logic.  I made this move based on hardware concerns, just before Digidesign became known as Avid, and did away with their proprietary hardware model and opened it up to all.  Yeah.  Timing!  Anyway, I made a fantastic purchase of an Apogee Rosetta 800 for all conversion, and was satisfied for a few years.

This satisfaction is now beginning to wain.  Apogee did away with the rosetta 800, as well as the Symphony Mobile System I purchased to integrate it.  Apple will most likely do away with PCI slots on laptops, and this will cause a few problems.  This all goes along with the concern that apple is making its “Pro” gear decidedly less “Pro”.  Yes, we all have the hope of Thunderbolt to resolve all these issues, but that appears to be a few years off.

This has me thinking…what an incredible and shitty gamble buying any piece of equipment is in this age we live in.  At any point, a manufacturer can discontinue a product, stop creating updates, and cease all support.  I emailed Apogee about this specific issue (of whether the rosetta or symphony mobile would be able to work with future Apogee products, and the response was

We don’t really have any plans to upgrade any of our discontinued models

So the question is, will I have a several thousand dollar brick on my hands in a few years?  There is no long term guarantee anything will be supported a few years down the line.  The line between the present and future of technology is a strange blurry one.  People are still using Instruments, Amplifiers, Effects Devices and many other instrument related things from the long distant past. Sometimes exclusively.  These devices were all inter-connect-able regardless of the manufacturer, and usable for an infinite amount of time.

Technology of this type carried weight.  Heft if you will.  Like Taft.  Well, it just souns like Taft.  And he was a heavy guy.  Yeah.  The point is, are current devices completely disposable?  Is there anything made today that will be heralded for its quality and cherished for years to come?  Or are we better off buying the quickest and easiest, waiting for it to become obsolete, and re-buy.

We all love the Prius, but you know that thing is going to explode into flames in 15 years.  Then again, maybe I’m completely wrong, Toyota is not the American car manufacturers of the 1970’s who designed cars to turn into giant robotic grizzly bears while exploding mid air at every yellow traffic light they encounter.  (statement based on 100% fact)

My point here?  I’m likely going to buy the iPhone 4, even if the Wall St Journal reports the new one will be super awesome looking and have a better camera. I just can’t take the waiting anymore kids.  As soon as the iPhone 5 hits, the 6 is gonna be THE BEST THING EVER.  It’s so easy to get caught in this cycle of perpetually waiting for the next to come along.  I’m breaking it.  Deal with it.

It gets me thinking of how many bands leave me feeling truly blown away.  The percentage is certainly low, but don’t we all live for that moment?  Last weekend I went to see the Tuneyards at the Williamsburg Music Hall, a band I’ve written about on several occasions, and mid set I thought to myself, “if this is the standard of performance a band has to live up to, we are all going to need to work WAY harder.”  The show was phenomenal, the band was simultaneously raw and incredibly polished.  It seemed like it could fall apart at any second, but it was so enjoyable, we all just willed it to continue.  The crowd was all smiles the entire time, even the elusive Jeff Mangum, and the overly present Sean Lennon, who were both in the crowd, mingling with us non-beautiful people.

Conversely, the night before at the same venue, I saw Thurston Moore perform an acoustic set.  And while certainly above average, it did not approach the level of greatness that one would hope for…even with a full Harp on the stage.  Tons of shows turn out this way.  Perfect venue with great sound, excellent musicians, good crowd…and the results are just standard.

But much harder than passing judgment on a show we attend, is turning the camera on ourselves.  Occasionally you may find yourself asking “are these phat beatz i made using garageband far superior to Timbaland or whoever the fuck makes that type of music these days?” And perhaps your answer is yes.  But….perhaps it should be no, and you shouldn’t spring those sounds on the world just yet. And with the constant facebook invites, lets establish a rule, right fucking now:

If you have more than one show within the same city/state, less than 1 month apart, don’t send out separate invites for each one.  One email at the beginning of the month is fine, or if its a special show, you get maybe 2 opportunities to group spam before its irritating as hell and makes everyone want to delete any record of you ever communicating with them.  So please keep that in mind.

Rehearsals have begun with a new band I am a part of, and more than any other time in my life, I am attempting to put a magnifying glass over my own playing.  It certainly has room to grow, but perhaps knowing that is the first step towards beating mediocrity?

I’m going to make some speculations and voice some concerns, because that’s what you do when you have a forum to digitally convert your ideas into text.

Jesus, holding baby Obama

A few months back I went to Tekserve, the greatest unofficial Apple store in the world, for a “future of music” type event, focused on the ipad.  Going into it, I was excited, but not overjoyed by the idea of a tablet based music creation device.  I left ready to throw out every other piece of technology I owned.  Yes, I have still not purchased an ipad, that’s in the works, as we will discuss in a minute.

The synth apps look badass.  Korg has their IMS20 synth with a drum machine, Moog has their Filtatron, there is even a Rebirth thing happening, all under $30.  And Garageband for $5. GARAGEBAND!  I had the chance to play with it for a second, and it was unstoppable.  This is the greatest composition sketch tool since the pen and staff paper.  Really, is that stuff gonna be around in 10 years?  Will paper at all?  Anyway, none of this is news.  But stop tweeting about Dancing With The Stars for a fucking second and think about whats happening.

This motherfucker is self contained, and nearly gets rid of the problem many old school musicians have with computer based technology.  A mouse sucks.  Do you feel at all musical when clicking a little oval shaped plastic thingy to create some sonic destruction?  No, you feel like a bitch.  In movies, when someone presses the big red button to blow up a competing nation, why do you think it’s a BIG RED BUTTON?  Cause buttons are fucking awesome, and you want to have the interaction with it.  This is not quite the Big Red Button Effect ™  but its getting there.

Why have there not been a rush of control surface apps?  There are a few out there, but they’re over $100, and not officially endorsed by the manufacturers.  Apple fucking owns logic!  Where is the controller app guys?  Come on!  That would almost be worth the price of admission alone.  Why do we have to search for some back alley drug deal of a controller do make a few devices work together?  Shit man.

This brings me to the point of securing an ipad for myself.  For a while, I was all in at the bare minimum device, $500 for 16gb.  But after some careful consideration, that’s not going to cut it.  My iPod Touch is 16gb, and I constantly have to shift things on and off to make it all fit.  And the 3g situation, is it worth it?  Who knows, I’m gonna say no for the moment, I’m around wifi and work and home, thats sufficient for now.

So, life in NY is expensive.  I know, everyone is incredibly surprised by this, and I was even invited to write a NY Times Oped about it, but it got pulled at the last minute because they suddenly realized that print was dead, started their subscription model, overpriced it, and had to go take a phone call from Rupert Murdoch.  Anyway….yeah.  So my plan is to acquire an iPad strictly by selling other musical equipment which I already own, through the mediums of Ebay and Craigslist, mostly the latter since no fees are involved.

You mah buttafly, sugah baby

This opens up a new set of doors, mostly leading to Crazytown, population 90% of the people who respond to postings.  People offer you 5% of your asking price.  They want you to bring a $50 effect pedal to Long Island so they can “check it out”, standard Nigerian scams, and harassment by a Christian Fundamentalist because I was selling a synth which he did not approve of.  It’s only gonna get weirder from here, dudes.

Rainn Wilson just Tweeted (I hate that phrase but I’m going with it)  “Ben Gibbard Just Ran Over Owl City In His Death Cab”.  This brought up some discussion, As I had never heard Owl City before.  I was told they were attempting to sound like The Postal Service, since there are no more Postal Service albums, which I mean, whatever man, but do your own thing somehow.  A friend recently saw them open a show, and proclaimed them to be the worst live band he had ever seen.  Well, after Dwight dropped some science, I had to get involved.  So here, dear reader, is my live blog interpretation of the first few songs of Owl City that come up on google. Keep in mind, I have not heard one note of this band previously, this is all in the moment.  Hang on, here we go, I’m hitting search.

Fireflies -   Oh my god kid, are you fucking serious?  I heard this guy was a low rent Postal Service ripoff, but this is ridiculous.  Lets just get right to it.  Turn off the fucking auto tune man, come on!  Gibbard never used that stuff, that’s his thing.  If you’re going to rip someone off, at least use your own voice.  And whats with that cheap ass arpeggiator happening?  did you just put the step sequencer on auto and go cry in the shower?  And the reverse cymbal swell?  Really?  That’s all you could come up with?  These drum beats are weak as hell man, this is what Jimmy Tamborello spits out after he brushes his teeth in the morning.

Vanilla Twilight – Don’t even get me started on this name.  What am I, ordering a vampire themed frappuccino at starbucks?   You’re just doing the Ben Gibbard phrasing here man, just waaay worse. How do you sleep at night?  You better have a reverse peep hole on your door, because someone should be waiting there with a sack full of pennies in anticipation.  Again with the reverse cymbal swell before the chorus?  Arent there any other cheesy garageband sound effects you could throw in?  What about if you took a cat meowing or something?  Those LOL cats are pretty popular, why not rip them off too?  Douche.

Hello Seattle – REALLY man?  REALLY?  You do an alternate pan arpeggio synth intro to a fucking song with Seattle in the title?  I’ll tell you what, I’m going to write a song called Paradise Community Los Angeles, where the scenery is verdant and the girls are mildly attractive, and name my band Firearms and Dasies.  Again with the auto tune, just turn it down at least if you’re not going to turn it off.

Saltwater Room -  Again with the reverse cymbal?  For Rizzle Dizzle?  You really find a formula and stick to it man.  I guess you’re kind of like AC/DC, if instead of amazing powerful grooving rock riffs, you chose some bitch ass electronic presets on whatever soft synth youre using and rely on autotune to pitch correct your irritating voice. This is just so watered down, I’m going to bring it to the desert island with me, just in case I get dehydrated.

Wow, that was tiring.  I think my heart rate is at near cardiac arrest levels.  This does bring up the issue of whether it’s ok to cop so much of another band’s style if they are no longer producing music.  My answer?  No.  Obviously no.  Unless you can do it better.  Which Owl City cannot.  I’d rather listen to Justin Beiber.  Maybe he will be the next live blog.  Watch out Bieber, I’m comin for your bowl cut.

First off these are 2 artists with some of the most distinct voices in the world.  No one else will ever be mistaken for Simone, same goes for Dylan.  But the thing that constantly amazes me is how his songs really take on new life in the hands of other artists.  A few years back there was the film “I’m Not There”  where various actors portrayed Dylan at different periods in his life.  Now, not gonna lie, I didn’t have much interest in seeing Heath Ledger play Bob Dylan.  I did however, buy the soundtrack.  A double disc affair containing all covers of Dylan classics and lesser known tunes.

There are high points and low points just as with any giant film soundtrack.  Some of my favorites include a great Cat Power cover of “Stuck Inside A Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again”  Backed by a crazy group of studio musicians including Lee Renaldo, Smokey Hormel, and John Medeski.  Jim James of My Morning Jacket and Calexico do a reverb soaked “Goin To Aculpoco”  reminiscent of The Band days.  Richie Havens doing “Tombstone Blues” and also from highway 61, Ramblin Jack Eliot does “Just Like Tom Thumbs Blues”

From the ages of about 12-16, this was possibly my favorite album in existence.  The beginning of the electric years, Mike Bloomfield, Al Kooper and Harvey Brooks in the band, Dylan at the top of his game.  Tom Thumb may consistently be my favorite track on there. Other than Ramblin Jack and Nina Simone, the only other cover of this song I had heard was on some Grateful Dead bootleg, and that just didn’t do it for me, so lets forget it ever happened.  Something in these 2 voices though (Jack and Nina)  really seems to make the song speak out.  The dylan version maybe has some bitterness to it, basically its like “screw you guys, I’ve had it with this BS”  Where as Simone’s seems more sentimental, and Ramblin Jacks is kind of “I’m tired of this shit, I’m out”  yet he’s not pissed about leaving.

This version though, literally heard for the first time about 5 minutes ago, I just can’t get over.  That piano against the conga rhythm sounds like the basics of hip hop right there. Kanye West is totally ripping this shit off in “Heard Em Say”.  The little lead guitar coming in has a little Sam and Dave, but pays the most direct homage to the original track.  The vocal though, how does something like that even happen.  Her rhythm is all her own, but perfectly fits into the track.  Who the hell else is gonna sing like that.  Lets not turn this into “nothing like this would ever happen today”  discussion..but ya know…nothing like this would ever happen today.  The production is so perfect I just want to go out and throw every computer in a giant bonfire and find a tape deck somewhere to record on.

This is one of the two greatest Dylan covers ever done, among the hundreds or thousands out there.  This one, and Allen Toussaints version of “Momma You Been On My Mind”  which I don’t think was ever recorded, but which I have heard live not once but twice, and will be in my head forever.  What is with soul singers and Dylan?  It just blows my mind every time.

Who is Lady Gaga? Chances are you know better than I do. I have no idea. Her name is thrown around by pop culture fanatics and esoteric hipsters alike. She apparently is the new Madonna? I don’t know, you don’t come here to hear about Lady Gaga. In all this hubbub, I feel the need to be in on the action. Steps have been taken to clear my mind of all preconceived notions, I’ve done some stretching exercises, my subscription to Lala.com has been created (this site seems absolutely kick amazing, thanks to Eric Tarn for the recommendation). I will listen to 30 seconds of each song from whichever album I find first, then do about a minute of stream of conscious writing. Ok, the album will be Fame Monster. Ready? GO.

BAD ROMANCE: This seems like the opening of a meatloaf album. I feel like some giant guy is going to descend from the ceiling in a cage carrying a red rose and pluck a woman from the top of the empire state building. After that fog will fill up the stage and various scantily clad dancers will come out until suddenly the action stops and that song “Ya’ll Ready For This!” comes on and Lady Gaga appears in an 18th century ball gown, which is being carried at the ends by various doves, all dyed different colors and glowing in the dark. NEXT SONG.

ALEJANDRO: Ok this one i had to extend to 35 sec since the first 30 is all intro. She puts on a french accent, some violins are playing. We’re on a dark street corner (not an actual corner, but some type of film set) and the fog machines are once again blasting. Meatloaf, who is still in the cage from the first song is the subject of her desire, after a wardrobe change, she makes various hand gestures, maybe in Kabuki style makeup perhaps? When she tells our beloved Loaf that she just can’t be with him anymore, the cage explodes in a fantastic pyrotechnic explosion of glitter, and Loaf is now her dance partner, in some type of tuxedo with a rose in his teeth. Lady Gaga is in some type of S&M getup (ok, shes basically Madonna, even after 1:05 of music I have come to this conclusion) and various backup dancers each dressed as a different historical figure shadow their every move. There is Napoleon, Einstein, Patrick Ewing, and Andy Warhol…NEXT!

MONSTER: How is it that every song so far fits into my idea that Meatloaf is a constant character on this album? Meat is now back in a different cage…a jail cell! He has been re-incarcerated after his glittery escape from captivity, at least he got to enjoy a night on the town with his lady, Gaga. He sobs, as she looks on longingly, yet with an heir of confidence, that her life will now be free and easy without a giant Meatloaf/gorilla shadowing her every move, preventing her from getting in taxicabs, things like that. As the auto tune of “He Ate My Heart” comes in, the prison guards turn out to be her backup dancers, the dramatic lighting kicks in, you know where it goes from here.

SPEECHLESS: Oh my god, its a meatloaf album. Seriously, this song is like Rocky Horror Picture Show. Loaf remains in the cell as Gaga has run off, and left him a single red rose. A spotlight appears and a piano is rolled out next to him. As the power ballad drums come in, he dramatically switches back to tuxedo, the single rose in a vase atop the piano. I’m only listening to 30 seconds of each song, but I’m willing to wager that this one ends with a dramatic piano/vocal outro, which in our imaginary live Broadway production, Loaf would remove the rose, give it a dramatic sniff, and a single tear would run down his cheek. (again, the fact that Lady Gaga is singing is irrelevant, this song clearly belongs to Jim Steinman and Meatloaf)

DANCE IN THE DARK: Gaga now begins her dark descent into the seedy underworld as her one true love has been taken away. The intro carries her through various back alleys, with our trusty fog machines working full force (they really are helpful with this album) She becomes more and more disheveled as these first 30 seconds of the song continue. By the end she looks like one of those heroin chic models from the mid 90’s, with that crazy black eyeliner. Shes in a bad part of town with a sketchy clientele as the music kicks in, and the various vagrants once again become her backup dancers. When this goes to broadway, we’ll save a lot of money by just using the same 5 backup dancers, but dressing them as prison guards, historical figures, homeless junkies, you get the idea.

TELEPHONE: She is in the midst of embracing her 2nd act life struggles. Shes in the club, as the lyrics state, blocking out memories of one Meat Q. Loaf, remaining alone in captivity, for reasons we do not yet know or understand. The lyric “I Got No Service In The Club, Sorry I Cant Hear You I’m Kinda Busy” is clearly a metaphor for her running away from her problems and embracing a life of crime and substance abuse. She has various visions of scary things, maybe theres even a guy in some type of demon suit (a la that scene in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas in the hotel lobby) Yet in the midst of all this, there is a sure to be classic dance sequence on the club floor. This will rival both Travolta in Saturday Night Fever and Jackson in Thriller. I’m willing to bet the next song will be some type of ballad….lets see.

SO HAPPY I COULD DIE: Ok, i should really look at titles before I predict the next song. But this is truly live, no preparation or extra time has been taken. Lets call this one Conflict Resolution. Shes getting her life back together. This could be where the Training Montage comes in, various scenes of her becoming independent and powerful, taking life by the horns. Buying expensive clothes, having high powered meetings, volunteering with young children, shes on the path for success. She passes by some of her old associates on the street who are not doing well, she doesn’t even stop to look. She has business to attend to. And that business sang Paradise By The Dashboard Light. NEXT!

TEETH: Man, Whats with this last track? It just doesn’t make sense with the rest of the album. There is no conflict resolution, no final romance, no triumphant ending (well at least in the first 30 seconds) I Hate to leave this unfinished, so maybe we can come up with some type of ending? Maybe its a really artsy film where the end doesn’t have to make sense? Or like Kubrick where he says “you won’t understand this for 20 years” I don’t know. Gaga, I mean, its a catchy track, but you’re really not working with me on this one. Mabye Jim Steinman who seems to have wrote most of the previous material we have discussed took a lunch break, and while he was having a sandwich she finished up the album. That’s what I’m sticking to.

Whew! Well that was grueling. I guess after a look back (I made no edits, that was truly live) this was less of a live blog and more of a “Live Dramatic Interpretation.” As a closing thought, I would agree with the Madonna comparisons that are so present in her media criticism. But I really think they’re missing the boat with her Meatloaf influence. The obviously put on drama, the introductions, its all there.

There will be some upcoming shows, which will then be reviewed, all of which I am very excited about.  The first will be Tuneyards, Feb 5th at the Bell House.  If you read my original tuneyards review opening for the Dirty Projectors, you understand that this is a significant event.  I believe it is their first large headlining New York show, and I expect nothing less than pure genius, 100% mind blowing ukulele jams.

The next will be Wilco at the Wellmont Theater in Montclair.  If you know me personally, you know of my great love for all things Jeff Tweedy, so this will be an important day.  But like any true obsessed fan, I’m just as ready to denounce anything new in favor of the old which will never be recreated.  In other words, I’m just a loose cannon, accept me for me, thank you.

Then, Nada Surf at Music Hall of Williamsburg.  This is a band I am not that familiar with, but I have been encouraged to check out by a trustworthy source, so its on.

Also, if you’d like to take a listen to the Bad Plus New Years Eve broadcast, as written about in a recent post, it has now been posted here.  Although I did not take this photo, John Rogers did, this was our view the entire evening.  Also notice the ghetto sound foam we gaff taped to a mic stand next to the drums.

Much has been happening in the music world recently.  Our band continues to record various demos, and the results are overwhelmingly positive.  We’ve gone head first into the Logic world.  My goal for this project is to never be tainted by the evil of Pro Tools for as long as the songs exist on a hard drive.  We’ve overdubbed shakers while fighting the heinous bleed of a drummer practicing out of time lame ass fills in the rehearsal room next to us, we’ve eaten many a box of Entemans mini cookies, the bridge pickup is dying on both my SG and Telecaster, we’ve triumphed in the face of adversity.  And I still don’t know how to punch in using Logic, so nearly everything has been one complete take.

In Addition to band recording, I took part in a film scoring session last night for a documentary on that guy in the question mark suit who tells you how to avoid paying taxes or something, I’m not even going to google his name, because I was told he is one of the least trustworthy people in America.  Anyway.  We were emulating the classic 70’s guitar sound, and it was the perfect opportunity to break out the seldom used, often secretly desired, Wah Pedal.  Now dear reader, I’m about to blow your mind with the eternal secret of guitar tone.  Are you ready?  Sit down, have your feet on the ground, and relax.  Take a small amp, we used a 50’s Danelectro, turn it to 10, plug in a phaser, and turn on the wah.  Thats it. You’re done.  You might as well burn everything else you own.  I have no doubts this tone will never be recreated again,the battery on the phaser was nearly dead, and as we all know from esoteric message board posts, that is essential for the sound and is as elusive as the white rhino and giant squid combined.  You know what?  Don’t even try it.  I take it back.  Lets leave it mysterious.

I read an interview with Paul McCartney once, who was asked what he thought about Mp3’s and quality issues.  He responded with something like “well, you know mate, before I was a billionaire, in our early days we used to take the little battery powered radio to the beach and turn on the old AM to hear the latest hits, before I was the one writing them because I’m awesome, and we had a jolly old time, with just that one tiny speaker, before i was bathing in gold coins like Scrooge McDuck!  So what really matters is the song!”    Quote me on it, those are his exact words, with possibly a few more ego maniacal rants thrown in.  But Sir Mrs John Lennon has a point there.  Maybe there are even those among us who recall listening to a cassette walkman, cranking out the hits in lofi questionable speed control tapes, getting all we could from the song.  Bob Dylan made that amazing and relevant statement not too long ago that everything recorded recently sounds like garbage.  It kinda does, with a few notable exceptions which we do not have time to discuss in this post, but lets say T Bone Burnett is producing most of them.  So what if we make a drastic move to bring things back into perspective.  Ready?  Lets get rid of the 2nd speaker.

Ringo, probably trying to steal emerick's grammy.

In Geoff Emerick’s fantastic book “Here There and Everywhere” he discusses his philosophy on mono in the days of early stereo.  Emerick was The Beatles engineer for the majority of their career.  He created most of the sounds everyone has tried to emulate since.  George Martin was a bitch, this kid was the brains of the operation.  But an interesting point he made, is that stereo was pretty much a joke when it came out.  They would do silly panning effects just because they could, nothing to further the strength of the song, they would just mess around.  If you feel like dropping several hundred dollars on these new Beatles reissue box sets, just listen to the mono recordings and there is no comparison.  In fact, I encourage you to choose your friends based on which box set they would go for, mono or stereo.  If we can consistently learn anything from The Beatles, its that limitations of technology can enhance creativity.  Those kids had 4 tracks, and mono.  Look what they came up with.  If they had a pro tools rig and surround sound, Idon’t think the albums would have been as good, and I don’t think many people would disagree.

For the greatest of all Wintertine Jewish Octetular Present Presentations…Hannukkah, I got an Tivoli Model One Radio.  Its a small, well designed box, featuring one 3.5 inch speaker.  With all this hi-fi hubub going on recently, I felt the need to give 1 speaker a chance.  There is an intimacy in mono that you just don’t get from some giant hifi system.  I think the first night i plugged it in, Little Feat’s “Willin” came on a WFUV show very late, and it heightened the experience.  It also has one huge tuning knob, no digital anything, and a 1/8″ input, should you choose to put a turntable or ipod through it, which I do intend to do.  Obviously I feel conflicted about playing some mp3’s through a well designed analog box, but we are children of technology, so lets just selectively embrace it, ok?

For about 2 years I would only record drum overheads using one mic.  I heard somewhere that all of the Rolling Stones “Some Girls” album was recorded with only one overhead, a kick and snare mic, reinforced with a PA system. That’s how it should be done.  KISS Method, not Gene Simmons.  Why has this trend not come back into fashion?  Why does no one release mono LPs or something anymore?  Can’t we start a hipster trend in the depths of bushwick, and take away every home studio’s left speaker?  Lets start a crusade.